So this is it.

jer507.jpgThis is my news in a nutshell: I am done with chemotherapy. Recent scan was clear. No cancer. I will be monitored every six months for the next several years – five years to what they call a total cure. Statistics say it’s a coin toss. I’m not much into statistics.

I am grateful. Really. I’m still here. I’m still sane. My wife still loves me. And we’re not broke. Yet.

It’s just this: Being done is a big deal. And it’s far more complicated than marking one last X on the calendar and throwing a party. Believe it or not, finishing has been rather anti-climactic and a bit of a crisis in itself (I’m not making this up). It may have much to do with the fact that the turnaround isn’t instant. Life isn’t normal. What’s normal? I still hurt. Life has changed. I have changed.

There are complex emotions that come with the completion of 2 years of this stuff, and much to process in head and heart. Trouble is, I process on the page, and I’ve been both too exhausted and in too much pain to write any. These sentences are the first words I’ve tapped out on a keyboard in two weeks.

poolboy.jpgThose of you who’ve been following this know how badly I want to be writing a book. Writing for this blog has been a big part of that process. When I can’t write, I feel like my mind slows down. Right now I can’t write. My wrists flinch when I even get close to a keyboard. I hurt. I hurt more and more consistently than I can ever remember hurting. It’s just plain discouraging. And I’m so tired. I don’t much mind being unable to use my body if I can still use my mind, but neither seems to be too cooperative right now.

A note relevant to this conversation would be that I recently read there’s now a medical term for chemo brain. Funny thing is, I can’t remember what it was.

More when I can.

Still His (and still here),
Jeremy

methotrexate.jpgPS. Celebrate with me however you’d like this Friday evening, when I would normally swallow nine chemo pills, but won’t.

PPS. This may seem indulgent, but isn’t intended as such: I’m wondering who in the world is reading this? Besides my mom, I mean. I get numbers, but I don’t know who might be behind the numbers. Being my audience here, your presence has been a catalyst for the telling of my story. Whoever you are, thank you.

eli507.jpgPPPS. Please pray for us. (As if I need to ask)

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Categories: Cancer | Tags: , , , , , , | 23 Comments

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23 thoughts on “So this is it.

  1. Carol guy

    Hip Hip Hoooray!

    I am still faithfully reading your posts. You would have been so proud last night as your mom spoke of being a full time grandma after leaving work.

  2. CINDY JOHNSON

    Jeremy, CONGRATULATIONS! to you and your beautiful family!!!! Many, many, many well wishes for you through your recovery journey. I also, am a faithful reader of your posts. Keep them coming. You are a great writer. I look forward to reading a book by the author “Jeremy Erickson” someday. I would be very proud to say, “I know him”. You, Jenny and the boys are always in my prayers. I too celebrate with you, the long time coming of “Freedom Friday” from chemo pills.

  3. Cousin Jen Cole

    We will gladly celebrate with you cousin. I am feeding some of your other cousins and maybe an aunt supper at Buffalo Point Friday night. We will make a toast that you may toss away those pills forever. We are over flowing with joy that this journey that has been way to long is starting to come to an end. We will continue to pray for increased strenght so that you may continue your writing that stengthens us. We appreciate your words and are very proud of you. Love and strenght to you and your family – Jen

  4. Hi- I check in periodically and am so happy to hear you are done with treatment! I am an old friend of Jen’s from a women’s bible study 4 years ago…

  5. Heather (Robinson) Hamilton

    Hey Jeremy,

    Your second cousin here! ( well ONE of your second cousins) I check the site weekly just to see if there are updates.. and because you are brought to my mind. I’m very glad to hear you are done with treatment. I will continue to keep you all in prayer as you adjust to another “new normal” I pray for many kids who have cancer and while you aren’t a kid you’ve definately been on my list of people to pray for! If you remember … There is a young man ( 12 yrs old ) who was recently diagonsed with non-hodgkins Lymphoma… His family attends my church and They’ve only just begun the life in the “cancer world” so If you could lift them up in prayer when you remember that would be great!!! Thanks! GOD BLESS You and Your Family!

    Heather

  6. Erin (Habstritt) Capps

    Hi Jeremy-

    After your P.P.S., thought I would “indulge” you and let you know I am a reader, checking in every once in awhile, wondering how you are doing. I really appreciate your honesty in explaining the pains and celebrating the gains. So Kelly and I celebrate this night with you and thank God for his faithfulness.

    Erin
    (South Hamilton, Massachusetts)

  7. Pam

    OH Jeremy……the end.
    Now the beginning. I have never stopped praying for you and yours. BUT we have to remember to say thanks AND to keep praying for the road back. I will celebrate the day you are not in pain. It is so heavy on my heart to think of your daily struggles. Only God knows and understands what we weak humans try to understand and make sense of. But for tonight I lift my thanks for the end of a terrible battle.
    Still growing
    because of you Jeremy!!!
    Pam

  8. Mary Lou

    Congratulations….God’s blessing to you. A new chapter begins..however slowly.
    Cousin, a former Erickson, Mary Lou

  9. Sara

    Dearest Jeremy~
    I have no way of putting into words how much you and your familys journey have touched my heart-I have been a faithful reader and all because your love for our ever faithful Lord was witnessed by myself and our youth group at several FLY conventions.
    You truly amaze me and I am overjoyed that you are finally done with treatment and I will continue to pray for you to gain some strength and for the pain and tiredness to ease each and every day. The Lord has great plans for you and I as well as many others will be tuning in to hear all about it!!
    Sara in Brodhead WI

  10. Dusty Fat Boy

    I think that there are a few of us up north reading your words of wisdom

  11. Heather

    it will be interesting to know how many readers you have. how God has used this story in the lives of others, whether it a quick encouragement, a picker-upper from a pity party or hope in someone struggling with their spiritual or physical ailments. fortunately, i have been in each of those categories and He has tenderly spoke to me through your blogs. so, i celebrate your new beginning as cancer-free and praise our Lord and Savior for you. Jen, you are a precious gift to Jeremy and your boys. thank you for standing by him, loving him and fighting along side him. a true help-meet! h.

  12. Kelly (Hagen) Kofstad

    Jeremy,
    I have been following your incredible journey for the last 2 years also. You and your family have been in my prayers for that long too! Congratulations on your completion of chemo!!
    I’m looking forward to reading your book. Best of Luck with it. Hope your wrists can cooperate!
    God Bless You!
    Kelly
    Roseau, MN

  13. David VanAcker

    Hi Jeremy,
    I have been reading your updates all along. I have often wanted to leave a comment, but have not done so because I just don’t know how to keep from sounding trite. So…before I get there, I just wanted to let you know that I have been here and that our family has been praying for you constantly.

    David VanAcker and Family

  14. Marissa McLaren-Montalbano

    I have been praying for you, Jen and the family ever since Robyn and Kevin told me about things. I consistently check the updates and am so encouraged by your words and honesty. Glad you won’t be taking 9 pills on Friday…..I look forward to reading your book someday! I KNOW it will be amazing. Take care and God’s Blessing for you four!

    Marissa (from Rockford, IL.)

  15. Jackie Z.

    Hi Jeremy,
    I have been waiting to read this posting for a long time. I understand the hurt. It will slowly fade—
    I don’t believe in statistics either— but I believe that God has called us to go through the fire to remove the dross (even when we don’t get it.)
    You are a talented writer and you need to push ahead with your book and your music.
    Hang on– the processing of the cancer/treatment thing is weird. It hangs with you for a long time. And you get sick of being the “C” person after awhile. You have to grieve that part of yourself that is gone. Jesus will cover that for you.Hang onto the hem of His robe as you have been— and climb onto His lap when you have the strength. Pretty soon you will be able to walk hand in hand with Him as you grow stronger and stronger—-

    His Peace,
    Jackie

  16. Keith

    Congratulations and go Roseau Rams???!!!!

  17. LeAnne Dillon-Toren

    Jermy,
    If you couldn’t tell by the previous entries, there are many people still following your story. We’ve cried with you, we’ve laughed with you and somehow we’re able to share your pain. Though we may never fully understand everything you’ve gone through, as part of the body of Christ, we share it all.
    Now if we could just get you to a Wild game next season!! And I would love to have the opportunity to sing with you someday. I really miss that!!

    God bless you, LeAnne

  18. Mike and Melissa

    We are very happy to here the news Jermey! Keep trusting in God and hold your head high. He has more in store for you and your family. Treasure that peace Jesus gives you and walk with assurance of his promises day by day. We will continue to pray for you, your wife and your little children. We will pray that your family continues to feel the powerful prayers of those following your progress.

    With God’s Love,
    – The Lorensons –

  19. Heather (Burggraf) Gadient

    I have been reading your website for a long time. I have often wanted to leave you a note, but could not find the proper words. Rather than write something that would be a paltry attempt at comfort and inspiration, I ran to our Father and asked Him to comfort you and your family. You and your family will continue to be in my prayers. Congratulations on reaching this milestone! I look forward to hearing more from you when you are feeling better. Thanks for drawing me closer to Him!

    Heather (B.) G.

  20. Jeremy,
    We always read and you of course are in our prayers!
    Christine Steendahl

  21. Stacy (Gross) West

    Hello…
    I am with all the others who continually check your site to see how you and your family are doing. It has been a long journey and you have been so strong, Jeremy – You have touched so many people in so many ways. God has always known you are special even from when we were learning the gospel at Rose church or at bible camp. You have so many gifts. I pray this will be a new and exciting chapter in your “book” filled with much joy and inspiration. Take care – Stacy

  22. Thank you for putting cancer into words so beautifully. Although we have very different cancers, we have the same God, and that is mighty in itself!

    Still His Too!
    Heather

  23. Sara

    Hey JJE! WAHOO! Done at last. As you know… I too have been periodically checking your website. Scans are clear… no more junkie pills for this cancer junk… and just living now! I hope things are better and better with every passing day! I can’t wait to see your smiling face up north this summer! Have a wonderful 4th of July! Say “hi” to the fam… See you soon… God Bless!! Sara

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